My Life is a Sitcom starring K. Anntionette

"My Life is a Sitcom" is a description one of my good friends would say to me after I would tell him about some of my crazy experiences. The following episode is titled CAN I SUPERSIZE MY VIP?"

1st of all I love partying downtown however the parking is ridiculous. The only option is valet which if you’ve read my previous post you know that I’m no a fan of valet. However I recently had a change of heart due to an experience that I had at a previous event. (See Land Rover post about Cruise Control is definitely an exceptional valet service.) I realized this as I pulled up to the valet stand across the street from The Wortham Theatre. The most convienent valet was The Bayou City Plaza directly acrossed the street. As my valet handed me my ticket the valet manager quickly ran over to advise me that I would be paying a different price $7 more then the other patrons because I was crossing the street to attend an event at The Wortham instead of attending the Bayou City Plaza.

Huh?? Oh Hell Naw! Unless he was going to personally carry me across the street then I wasn’t about to fall for that hustle. I quickly retrieved my keys and proceeded to go on the hunt for a parking space. When he saw that I was leaving because of the increase in price he began to speak his native tongue to one of his collegue‘s. The one thing he said in English was that If I had a better attitude he would’ve…upon hearing this I said “you would’ve what Shahin?” (No. I’m not being funny that’s really his name.) Social Privy Tip> Always look at your service person’s name tag & make note of their name. Calling someone who is helping you by their 1st name grounds individuals who take their job too serious.

He began aggressively telling me that I was wrong for how I reacted to being up charged. Now, I love a good debate so I asked him how should I react when he informs me that there were two different prices. He replied “You know what to do.”
“Pardon me?”
“C’mon Honey, you know what to do. “
My girlfriend was on the phone giggling listening to the whole display go down. She said “Girl you know what to do!”
I grew weary of this guessing game and proceeded to drive off at that point Shanin yelled: “Ok! Ok! For you I’ll charge $8.”

I’m thinking to myself I’ve just wasted 10 minutes of my life because this Auto pirate (that’s what I call shady valet’s) wants to haggle & barter prices like we’re in a flea market somewhere in Morroco. Damn! I just want to park my car dude. I respect your hustle but here’s some advice: Next time you want to play name that price game look at the individual you are haggling with. I don’t drive a high-end vehicle. Hell! My car is so vintage that $15 probably the Blue book value of my car. (I’m just keeping it real) Up-charge folks who drive High-end vehicles who want to insure nothing happens to their 2nd mortgage (yes, I’m hatin’) as for me & my car we can take our chances out there on dem’ streets corners. Holla! (Don't get it twisted I luv Sterling. That's my car's name) However being that I was covering the event & didn’t want to walk the downtown streets alone I took him up on his offer.

After I resolved a minor issue I encountered picking up my press credentials (I‘m not going to go into details because ish‘ happens) I was on my way. There is something special about the ride on The Wortham Theatre escalator’s that lead up to the grand ballroom it sets the ambiance of “I’ve arrived.” As well as it builds the anticipation of what you’ll see at the top. The grand ballroom was an excellent backdrop for an upscale fashion showcase. I surveyed my surroundings & looked for all the important key spots. Dance floor…check. Bar…check. Ladies room check… What’s that over there? VIP…Hmm!

Off side of the dance floor was a lounge area decorated with white chaise’s sectioned off with a burgundy velvet rope. (aagh! So Cliché well I quess it could‘ve been red.) I ventured over to investigate. As I approached I saw one couple get turned away so I approached with caution. Big Burly security (the only time I use the word burly is when describing someone who could easily throw me down & cuff me & I‘m not a skinny girl.) looked at my wrist & lifted the rope. Cool! (So now I know how Charlie felt when he found the golden ticket to Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory.) Ok! Where’s the chocolate?

Grey Goose libations were being served up generously in the VIP. I tried a delicious treat that was mixed with lemonade, some type of flavored liqour and rasperries. (I wish I knew the exact ingredients. The spokesmodel gave me the recipe but…Hell after a couple of drinks I can only remember so much.) FYI next time print out a lil’ drink recipe card so that we can try these beverages at home or request them at our favorite watering holes.

For the most part VIP was the standard bevy of who’s who & such & such. However I have to keep it real. Two things annoyed me. Privy Peeve #1 At one point I had a conversation with a good friend of mine across a rope. The only thing separating me & her was some tacky velvet rope. She could easily stepped across and got her “drank” on with me. (lol ; >) It was awkward. Don’t get me wrong VIP area’s are nice and all and they can serve a purpose when done with style & grace.

Privy Peeve#2 off side VIP was a flight of stairs leading to yet another lounge. By this time my feet are killing me and all the pretty white chaise’s are filled so I’m now looking for a place to kennel my dawgs. I approached a very nice yet authoritative security guard who gave me The Hiesman ( for those of you who are not well versed with football terms that is the defensive position one takes when the ball is in their hands.) Upon inspecting my wrist he politely told me to move around… it wasn’t the right hue. At that moment The wonderful Willie Wonka & The Chocolate Factory gold ticket feeling I had earlier took a bitter turn somewhere in the background I heard the dejay in my head cue up my favorite dejected theme song Wonk wonk wonk wonk Wrrronkkkgg!! (Hmm! It just occurred to me… I wonder if I should’ve haggled with him like Shanin the valet man.) Anywho! When I peeped over his shoulder it was virtually empty & I didn‘t see anything better then what I saw when I was in the velvet roped VIP or general admission’s area for that matter.

It wasn’t until after the Ziami showcase came to a close that the VIP2 lounge got crowded. By that time Big Burly was a lil more relaxed on the wristband action. Maybe somebody slipped him one of those Grey Goose raspberry lemonade‘s. Naw! I think it was the pack of girls with a Big Butt’s & a smile that distracted Big Burly while I slide through VIP2. When I looked at the wrist of those around me everyone had a different colored wristbands some didn’t have any at all. I was happy to see my girlfriend who I spoke to earlier across the rope look over at me and giggled. (Walk hard Girl! Inside joke) Therefore my original thought was confirmed everybody’s a VIP no matter what color wrist you're rockin’.

All of these obstacles left me feeling like…Damn! 1st Shahin the valet, then the mishap @ will call (by the way I am soo impressed with Jermaine from 713Vip I see a very bright future for you because you handled your bizness), Big Burly Security guard #1 backstage (I didn’t even talk about my drama with him. I left out all the hassles I deal with that come with covering a story because it‘s par for the course.) & finally Big Burly security II in VIP2.

By the time I got done bartering & haggling for social space in the party my glorious “I’ve arrived“ turned into “Damn I'm ready to go..”

Basically what I’m saying that if you spend the night bartering for a space in VIP, you'll be so tired you you'll miss the party, ended up seeing people you already know are very important, met some people you thought were very important and they're not as important as they think they are (Be sure & read open letter to a Promoter posting later.) and the very important people you want to met are regular people just like yourself.

The real Irony here is that some people paid extra to run this social obstacle course. I’m use to supersizing my fries & my drink at fastfood spots but what’s up with supersizing your VIP. I’m not mad at you it’s a good hustle if you can sell it. But…if I supersize my VIP then I’m going to need some chocolate cake or something.

Let me put it to you like this… Imagine how Charlie the little boy who saved his money to buy a chocolate bar so he could win a golden ticket to Willie Wonka’s chocolate factory would’ve felt if he got to the factory & was told to take a tour of the lobby that had a big window overlooking the factory & was told you can have all the chocolate treats in the candy dish but your tour stops here. Charlie would’ve left feeling like he got a wolf ticket instead of a golden ticket.
(I’m sorry but… I have to tell it like it is.)
Luv ; >
K. Anntionette